How many times have you tried to get the ultimate family portrait? You know the drill… Just one more shot. This time we’ll capture an amazing moment! The one to proudly show off your beautiful family online and in the annual card mailing.
You try so hard to nail the right outfit. Get everyone neat and tidy. Wrangle the kids, try to stick the pose. All together now! Hoping and praying to land the “picture perfect” family photo.
Yeah, in my dreams too. Look no further for a dose of reality than some of our old home videos. You’ll see a frazzled couple trying to get a 5 and 3 year old to sit still and smile — while holding 2 babies each!! It’s painful to watch, believe me!
Korey and I trying so hard to capture the moment where not one of our 6 girls was crying. Just a fleeting second with EVERYONE looking at the camera and actually sitting STILL. Gritting my teeth together, saying “cheese,” and mussing up my perfectly chosen outfit. Likely with a defeated or crazed look in my eyes.
Perhaps we managed to pull off the impossible and get one. Heck, my sister — a photo genius before all the apps — was known for her editing magic. She’d crop someone out in exchange for a smiling or ‘better’ version from another photo. No one needs to know it’s edited, right?!
Man, it’s exhausting! Over time, I’ve learned to embrace the messy process. I like and even love the not-so-perfect moments. If you’re looking for perfection, you won’t want to read this blog, have a cup of coffee with me, or follow my social media.
But, if you’re looking for something fabulously real, welcome to the party!
Typical family photo with 6 kids 5 and under.
Pretend like we are enjoying this. 
Even now, the struggle is real.
Swap out the unattainable “picture perfect” for “perfectly imperfect” — sometimes embarrassing, yet always soulful.
Perfectly imperfect. I’ve always loved the term. It gives an out. It helps me stop trying so hard. For a type A, goal-orientated person like me (aka control freak!), “perfectly imperfect” makes it sound… almost cool to NOT get things right all the time.
Sayings like this are GOLD in mama-world (which we all know is its very own special, overwhelming, and magnificent place). It’s too easy to be brutally judgemental of ourselves during those epic failures or parenting disasters. Comparing ourselves to other moms leads us straight into the perfection trap.
While my kids were growing up — and I inevitably did something imperfect as a mom — I’d smile and say, “Well, there goes mother of the year award again!” By lightening up and adding a little humor, we can show our kids that we’re all human. Real people make mistakes and try to learn from them.
Years ago, leaving church one Sunday morning, I wearily headed up the family trek toward our giant 8-seater SUV. Church service felt like an exhausting hour of trying to keep 6 little girls quiet, sitting still, and entertained — while managing numerous “no, you don’t need another potty break!” whispers.
But dang, they looked so cute in their matching Gymboree dresses and pigtails! Ideally, we’d form a sweet picture, everyone holding hands and safely crossing the parking lot. But their actions didn’t quite line up with their look. Rather than cute-as-pie and acting like it, they were bickering and pulling away from each other.
Holding hands wasn’t for looks, mind you, but purely a safety precaution. A way to stay together and keep any of the 6 from darting out in front of a car. (Something only moms of multiples or several kids in the toddler stage understand!)
I’m trying to get them to behave, thinking “I can’t get home soon enough,” struggling to tune out the constant “mom, mom, mom, mom” — when I hear, “Kristi, Kristi, Kristi.” I whip around and scream, “WHAT??!”
Another mom waves, “just wanted to say hi,” and sheepishly smiles — after my tone totally bit her head off. (I would’ve facepalmed if I had a free hand.) Do you have those parenting moments where the outer look just doesn’t line up with what’s really going on?
It’s okay. We can’t have it all together all the time. You’re safe here. With me, you get real. I include the messy because we need to know it’s totally normal. Your kids will be okay. Really!
Even when we embarrass ourselves, it’s a chance to show our kids how to acknowledge and learn from mistakes. That we’re perfectly imperfect and always growing.
Yes, it took a phone call from another dance mom after class. I was almost home when she asked, “are you forgetting something?” Looking at 2 of the girls in the backseat, I replied “no” — then shouted, “oh no, I forgot Josie!”
I rushed back to the studio for a second pickup, apologizing profusely and hoping my child isn’t scarred for life. Josie says “It’s okay Mom; I know you got a lot of kids. The worst part was I was just about to open the suburban door when you drove away!” and she laughed. I felt the embarrassment melt away at the grace of my 7-year-old.
They don’t expect me to be “mother of the year” and when I’m not, it shows them that it’s OK to mess up. And — lesson learned! The time I didn’t count the number of children in the car, I left one behind. Won’t make that mistake again.
(OK, now that I’ve admitted it, please tell me I’m not the ONLY one who’s ever left a child behind!)
Let go of the filters, and find beauty in the moment AND the mess.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in striving to be and present your best self. However, in an air-brushed and filtered society, focusing on presentation only can equate to fake and unrealistic. It’s kind of ironic that a common hashtag (#nofilter) certifies a beautiful image is, well, just naturally beautiful.
How often do you edit your photos? Or feel upset when you take 20 pictures and still don’t nail the perfect shot?
It’s a work in progress for me. Sometimes I start feeling bad about myself because I didn’t manage to capture something the way I felt it ‘should’ look. I’m learning to catch myself and remember I’m perfectly imperfect. I’ve realized that when I let disappointment in the imperfect image sour my mood — I’m discounting the moment completely.
As I helped my girls navigate their teen years, I almost feel bad for them. They’re constantly bombarded by social media promoting this idea of perfection. Back in my day, I’d anxiously await delivery of my monthly Sassy or Teen Magazine to see the latest look or style. It simply wasn’t 24/7 access, and people in the images seemed real and approachable.
Back then, we accepted our awkward teenage years as a time of self-discovery while maturing physically and emotionally. Remember the photo frames with a spot for each year’s class photo k-12?? We so clearly saw the evolution from cute, to embarrassing, to the ultimately rewarding senior photos (we made it!).
Now, it’s almost like a day of ugly or a moment of awkward is unacceptable. Like it needs to be fast-forwarded and filtered away. As a mother of six daughters, I try very hard to help them feel their worth isn’t in how they look. It’s important that they know their intelligence, how they treat people, and what they do in this world makes them truly beautiful.
On the other side of the perfection trap, some of my favorite moments come out of the imperfectly perfect mess.
Remember the quads’ photoshoot for their last day of high school? We set out to get a “we did it!” photo with all of us jumping in the air.
Going through the photos afterward, we saw one where Korey didn’t wait for the 3 count. He’s totally going for it — with some serious air — while the rest of us are still waiting to jump.
I love that picture because it’s a perfect representation of our life: perfectly imperfect! It’s the one I wanted to show the world first because it just made us all laugh. Embracing and sharing the silly, I posted it to social media with, “how Korey feels about having an empty nest in the Fall!”
We try to get it right, but sometimes it’s a total flop — AND it can actually be what brings us joy! I’m sure you’ve got your own photo-flops. Do they make you laugh, cry, or maybe both?
Almost! 
Nailed it!
These moments play into the beauty and unpredictability of life. Mine can be messy, as you see just in this one post! I don’t have the perfect marriage, children, wardrobe, grammar, body, job, and the list goes on and on.
In fact, I don’t want a perfect life anymore. It only sets us up for failure. I’m learning to pay attention to how I feel and follow what feels good and satisfying. When I try to be something I’m not or strive to be perfect, I feel icky. I feel the best when I’m genuine and real — flaws and all.
I hope you feel like you’re among friends. You aren’t alone in being perfectly imperfect — join the club!
And if it’s a new thing for you, try it on! See how it feels.
Let me know if you feel fabulously real in your perfect imperfection.
Happy we’re traveling together,
xo
Sure reminds me of when you several of you kids were sick and the phone rang. I yelled:
SHUT UP….not knowing someone had already picked up the phone. What I heard on the when I got to the phone….Harriet????? I said, yes. It was our pastors wife and her next statement was, “it didn’t sound like you”. My very imperfect self came through loud and clear and it was embarrassing bu we all have our moment, right?.
Yes, if even you had them, then we all have those moments. 🙂